Harvey's back!!!

Have you ever had the kind of day where everything you touch somehow goes wrong? The kind that has you looking skyward and yelling, "Really?" It all started when I had a horrible nightmare about 5 minutes before my alarm went off at dawn. I'll spare you the details, but after I told Gene about it he said I wasn't allowed to watch The Walking Dead anymore. 

So I'm already mightily creeped out when I stumbled into the yard to do chores. Imagine my horror when I looked in the pasture, only to find Woolimina lying on her back with all four legs stuck straight up in the air. If you were going to prank someone with a cartoon looking fake dead sheep, that's exactly what it would look like. The only thing missing was giant "X's" over her eyes. I screamed her name, and was so relieved when her head moved. She'd somehow gotten stuck on her back, so I had to physically roll her over. (Which wasn't easy, by the way. She's a bit of a Large Marge now.) After stumbling around for a few minutes, she headed straight to her food bowl. So that crisis was averted. I did some research, and apparently sheep can just ... get stuck like that. Especially if they're standing on a slope. I guess that's why they get sheared on their backs, it makes them shut down. Thank god I'm a helicopter farm mama and found her right away, because if they don't get turned right side up fairly quickly it can be fatal.

Now fast forward an hour to the email I sent my boss snarkily asking if we were still having our virtual phone meeting because he was 15 minutes late, which I sent approximately 7 seconds before realizing I'm the idiot who wrote it on the calendar wrong and it's next week. Turns out it was a good thing I didn't have a meeting, because I looked out the window just in time to see Porkulous The Persistent's butt disappearing into the chicken coop. I had to wake up poor Gene early so he could fix the fence before going to work. And just as Gene sat down to eat his breakfast, Porkulous the Powerful ripped an entirely different fence panel down, then stampeded off with a snort of delight. Needless to say, Gene was almost late to work.

So then I decided to take the dogs for walk, since I had a doctor appointment in town and would be gone for the afternoon. I knew it was cutting the time close, since I needed to leave in 30 minutes, but I figured we'd just go to the end of the road and back. Chupi picks that moment to have a potty catastrophe, which necessitated an immediate bath. And a good bit of speeding to make the appointment on time.

And when I got home? You guessed it. Porkulous the Pesty was out and about again. I had to call our neighbor down to help rebuild the fence. And by help, I mean I stood around and watched him while he fixed it. I was too busy fending off the 300-pound, mud drenched, happy bundle of joy that decided he wanted cuddles. Again. Which set an official record, by the way. I went through every single pair of jeans I own, and our washer smells horrible.

But you know what? None of that matters, because today was awesome! Harvey came back!!! After a months-long bunny bender, he finally came home. He must have been fairly happy to see me, because he rammed the back of my legs from behind. I was ecstatic to see him, even though his sneak attack brought back fleeting memories of my earlier nightmare. He looks amazing - he's just as fat if not fatter than when he left, so he's been living the good life out in the woods. He demanded Wheat Thins, of course, and I ended up giving him about a quarter of a box. I also gave him a plate with a selection of his favorite treats - welcome home Harvey!!! You were missed. 

Why does Costco have Christmas decorations already???

It's official - fall is here. Watermelon treats have been replaced by pumpkins from the garden, which Gene helpfully throws off the deck so they blow apart in an explosion of yumminess. The only one who isn't fond of pumpkins is Porkulous the Picky, ironically enough. Apparently there is something pigs won't eat. He is doing well, and growing quickly. Big enough to break out of his pasture area repeatedly, actually. He digs his snout under the hog panels, then yanks his head up with sufficient force to drag the t-post out of the ground. It's hard to be mad at him, though. He gallops around the yard with such gleeful abandon, making cheerful whuffling noises and running from one interesting thing to the next. I've taken to letting him out for an hour or so to explore the pasture, and he wanders back into his pen once he's sure I've put a few treats in his dish.

He has a fondness for apples, so every time one falls off one of the trees, I give it to him. Even though the trees are young, we've gotten quite the bumper crop. And I was ecstatic to see we got our first two pears, even though they're approximately two inches long. Perfectly formed, but the size you'd find in a dollhouse. I'm assuming they'll be more properly sized next year. But the most exciting harvest this year without a doubt is the pineapple. After two years, it's finally ripe! It was also on the small side, but so tender and sugary and delicious. And I get to brag that I'm eating locally grown pineapple. How many folks around here can say that?

Most everything has been harvested from the garden now, so I opened it up for the chickens and ducks to rampage through. The Brussels sprouts are the most popular, especially with Woolimina. She can skeletonize an entire stalk within minutes. As soon as they've eaten everything, I'll shut them out again and plant the cover crops for the winter. The only real failure this year was the delicata squash. For some reason, it never ripened. Apparently I got it into the ground too late. It looks beautiful and cheerful, but insides it's colorless and tastes really bland. But it won't go to waste - I cut them in half and give them to the chickens. Squash seeds are one of their favorite snacks.

I'm already looking forward to what I'm going to plant next year. I've tentatively decided the shining star of the garden will be leeks. I got absolutely addicted to making potato leek soup this summer, and rapidly used up all the ones I grew. So next year I'll need several more rows - at least. And we'll need way more potatoes. I also discovered that kohlrabi is amazing when you roast it with olive oil, salt and pepper. I grew a ton of it, thinking I could sell it with my other produce at the market down the road. But apparently its bright purple, slightly squid-ish appearance frightens people. Good thing I like it so much! The carrots were a big hit, though, so I routinely sold out of those. I'm particularly excited about a variety I found to plant next year - they're black! The seeds are from India, called Pusa Asita black carrots. It's a new open-pollinated variety that's jam packed with anti-oxidants, plus apparently it stains everything purple. How cool is that?

Is it seriously August already???

Dang, this summer is going fast. I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted! But in my defense, summer is my busy season... Perhaps the most exciting news is we have two new guinea chicks!!! I've been letting the broody hens (of which there are many) sit on the guinea eggs, since it makes them happy and most of them don't ever hatch. I have to admit, it's incredibly fun to gather them up after a month or so, then hurl them into the woods and listen to them explode. Way more entertaining than firecrackers, although just as lethal if you're standing nearby when the shell cracks. I'm surprised the smell doesn't scorch the earth.

Every once in awhile though, there's a fertile egg in the mix. I was sitting in my office one morning when I heard that distinctive plaintive cheeping that can only mean one thing - a cute little fuzzy bird is somewhere out there, and it's sad and lonely. So naturally I got out there as fast as I could and found a very confused, just hatched guinea chick wandering around in front of the coop. I'm amazed he made it out of the nesting box, but I quickly reunited him with his adopted mama. I moved little Stephano, White Mama (I ran out of creative names the day she hatched), and the rest of the eggs into the garage brooding facility, where little Giuseppe hatched the next day.

Just the other day, I head that same frantic chirping, this time coming from the garage. Turns out we had a hen sneaking in there and laying eggs in the corner. And then apparently sitting in there for a month, busily hatching out eggs. Makes me wonder what else is living in there. But anyway, as soon as the rest of the eggs hatch out I'll be moving that new family into the other half of the brooding box. I really don't want a bunch of chicks roaming and cavorting all over the garage. It's bad enough when Woolimina sneaks in there to eat hay and scares the heck out of me when I wander out in the morning to get something out of the freezer.

In other news regarding adorable critters, Porkulous the Precious is only getting cuter as he gets bigger. Usually that's not the case, but he's a rare pig indeed. Since it's been in the 90s for as long as I can recall, I put a deeper pool in his fenced off area. It's got about a foot or so of water in it, and he loves it. He'll lounge in there all day, and when I fill it up he plays in the stream of water. He also taught himself how to blow bubbles with his snout, which is just about the cutest thing ever. I can't wait for Gene to see him do it, because I'm sure the heart-warming sight will change his mind about that whole "I'm going to get me some tasty bacon come October" nonsense he keeps going on about.

It's alive!!!!

After a few weeks of absolutely zero fiddler crab sightings in our tank, I headed back to the feed store to procure a few more. I was thinking that adding a few more more might convince the other two to be a tad more social. And really, one can never have enough crabs.

The normal aquatics guy wasn't there, so I was helped by a sweet younger guy that unfortunately had an almost debilitating crab phobia. Every time he swooped in the tank with his net, the crabs would angrily scatter while waving their claws at him, and he'd visibly shudder. Every once in awhile he'd actually catch one, but it would jump out of the net and cause him to simultaneously jump away from their tank. After about 20 minutes, he decided it would be okay to skirt the company rules and let me just reach in and grab whichever ones I wanted.

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for crustaceans, but I fully admit that when I came home and swapped out the filters in the tank, I screamed like a little girl when Luigi came lurching off the top of the filter and onto my hand. Apparently he'd climbed up the filter hose and decided it made a fine home. Plenty of algae to eat, a dry spot at the top of the filter box, tons of privacy... everything a crab could want in a living space. At least now when he disappears again I know where to look first.

But Luigi isn't the only critter to come out of hiding around here. Now that I've started running the sprinkler in the evenings, I've noticed a huge increase in the number of dragonflies darting around the farm. I love to watch them hunt, and apparently they enjoy playing in the sprinkler. So do the robins and gold finches. They exhibit so much gleeful abandon when I turn it on that I don't even grumble when it takes me close to three hours to haul it around the yard.

Ceri, on the other hand, takes her sprinkler love to the extreme. We were so worried she was going to drown herself that we bought one especially designed for dogs. Of course, the box is covered with cute pictures of puppies playing in the water, but it definitely brings out the puppy in our 100-lb Shepherd. I'll turn it on for her during the hottest part of the afternoon, and she would play for hours if we let her.

Time to call in the cavalry...

As long time readers might recall, there have been a fair number of epic battles on the farm to date, include the Winged Ant Situation of 2011, the Aphid Wars of 2012, and the Great Horsefly Annoyance of 2013. And in the 8 years we've lived here, I've never had to bring in professional reinforcements. Until now. 

I was too scared to photograph the wasps. Enjoy some sunflowers instead.

It all started on a bright sunny day. A little too hot, but I wasn't complaining - the heat is good for the corn. As I watered the grapes, I felt something crawling on my hand. Being the seasoned farm mama that I am, I just nonchalantly tried to shake it off without actually checking what it was. That's when the burning started. And the screaming. The yellow jacket clinging to my palm didn't give up until I scraped him off with the garden hose. Lucky for me, Gene knew how to make a poultice out of meat tenderizer that sucked all the venom out of my hand, and kept my whining to a minimum. 

An amazingly accurate movie, as far as I'm concerned.

The next morning, I was out watering again since the temps were going to soar to almost 100 degrees. I wasn't all that worried since yellow jackets aren't exactly rare beasties in July, so it wasn't so surprising I'd disturbed one. But when I watered the grapes again, this time I heard a most disconcertingly loud buzzing sound from the other side of the raised bed. When I slowly peered over the top of the grapevines, I was horrified to see the entire ground moving. It looked like a scene out of The Swarm - no exaggeration. There were hundreds of them, all staring at me. At least, I assume they were staring at me. I was too busy running away to notice. 

Thank god for Google - I was able to find a wasp removal expert within minutes. I called the number, and he agreed to come out within the hour. I think my screaming "Save me from the beeeeeeees" the minute he answered the phone probably contributed to his sense of urgency. It was fascinating to watch him suit up and go to work, armed with an industrial sized Shop-Vac and a steely determination. I was going to contribute to the carnage by bellowing, "This time it's personal, die wasps die!" but my words wouldn't have had much impact considering I was hiding behind our truck the entire time.

Turns out there was a fairly substantial nest, complete with disgusting larvae, buried underneath the grapes. After taking the nest out and destroying it, he unsuited, then went back to vacuum up the stragglers. When I asked him why he wasn't afraid of getting stung, he told me that killing off all the guards "demoralized" the rest, so they didn't even try to defend themselves. Apparently my "get it off me" dance was just adding to the wasp's self esteem, and that's why I got stung so many times. Today I only saw a lonely yellow jackets buzzing around, and I made sure to let them know I've got the bee guy on speed dial.

Finally, we've got a little color around here!!!

For my 40th(!) birthday, Gene finally relented on his "edible plants only" stance and he and Bess Bess installed a huge butterfly garden in the front yard! It's beautiful, complete with watering, feeding, sheltering and basking stations - everything a butterfly needs at every stage of development. The yellow and black swallowtail has relocated from the back deck to the front yard, and was quickly joined by three happy bumble bees who spend the vast majority of their day buzzing from bloom to bloom. 

Naturally I've already taken hundreds of pictures, even though it's a little unnerving to stand close by when the bees zip right by your face in their haste to do some pollinating. Bess Bess did a ton of research on how to set it up, and decided on planting everything in huge swatches of color. It's going to be gorgeous once everything grows up.

In other news, I dragged Bess Bess to Petco with me to find some live plants my fish tank, and we brought home an African Butterfly fish (in keeping with my birthday theme). He's really cool - he hangs at the top of the tank all day, and eats live insects.

The feeding schedule has proven slightly problematic, since according to the internet he either eats several times a day, or requires "heavy feeding" twice a week. Either way, that's a lot of bugs. Since I've never backed down from a challenge, I've taken to prowling around the gardens with a huge fish net, trying to swipe bugs out of the air. When I stalk any wayward flies that blunder into our house, I'll even add a whispered audio commentary, just like the other famous hunters do on all those shows Gene watches.

While there's no lack of bugs around here, finding suitable sacrificial insects is tough. I refuse to feed him any beneficial insects, like dragonflies, bees, or butterflies. Likewise, anything cute and adorable is spared, like ladybugs and those bright blue walking sticks. So that pretty much leaves wasps and flies, and since the last thing I want is for an angry wasp to escape my net on its way to the tank, that pretty much leaves flies. I've since learned the hard way that flies can survive being dunked underwater, but at least chasing them around the house is good exercise.

I'm not the only fearsome predator out hunting dinner - in other amazing news, my preying mantis egg sac hatched! They're already huge, I saw one yesterday that was about three inches long. I was watering the strawberries right by the greenhouse and happened to spot her hanging from a leaf. They have incredible camouflage, and I love the way they sway back and forth while they wait for something juicy to wander within striking distance.

A pen big enough for two...

With the weather in the high 80s and worse, I decided that Porculous the Cherished would be happier out in the pasture, where he has room to run around and hide in the cool grass and other assorted flora. So Gene and Abby moved some panels into the back and created a huge pen, complete with mud pits, tons of hidey-holes, and of course a feeding and treat station. Gene even created a rolling gate by screwing two casters onto a pallet, so it's easy for me to go in and out. 

Porculous absolutely loves it. He runs laps around the fence perimeter, stretches out happily in the mud, and comes trotting up to the gate the second he hears me come out of the house. And even better, he's got a roommate to share it all with. Skeeter decided he'd much rather live here, so he found his way back from Abby's house two days ago. I didn't have the heart to take him back there after he went all Incredible Journey and found his way home, even though he decimated my romanescu and broccoli bed for the fifth time on his way back. (Apparently my addition of the fencing to the raised bed didn't even slow him down. Guess I should have spent more than $2 on it.) He came running up to me in the back yard, and was promptly greeted with head scratches, a bowl of kibble, and all the wheat thins he could eat. I missed him more than I realized.

It only took him a few hours to move in to Porculous's new digs. Now the two share dinner and treats, and lounge around next to each other in the shade. It's really cute, especially since they're almost the same size. Shy and Wool are both fascinated by Porculous, now that he's out where they can see him. Shy spends a good portion of the day just staring at him. Which is kind of odd, since they've both seen pigs before. Apparently Porculous is more interesting than most - just one more reason to keep him around! Now I just have to convince Gene..